How to Meet and Marry a Pole

Be warned my friends,. Executing the following plan of action could lead to a Significant Other who enjoys eating sweetened condense milk out of a tube, claims that all sausage other than that found in Poland is vile, and might possibly force you to live in Europe some day where you will be able to visit fabulous countries like Croatia and Austria by taking the train.

Step 1: Learn how to say his name.

We lived right next door to each other (I could walk out of my apartment, and around the corner and knock on his door) from July of 2005 to April of 2006 and we only have one memory of each other. I knew his roommate J and asked J to come over one day to take a look at my computer. That Groom came along and complimented me on my limited computer skills. I blushed and thought he was sweet. I am assuming that we went so long without interacting because I was apprehensive about saying his Polish name incorrectly.

Step 2: Find out what he is good at, then flatter him by asking him to use those skills to serve you in some way.

After moving home for 9 months, I came back to school and moved into a house right next door to my old apartment complex. My computer was on the fritz once again and so I went up to the apartment of J and That Groom to find out if one of them would come down to look at my computer again. That Groom brought his genius friend C and after C and I quickly bonded over an affinity for Battlestar Galactica, the three of us were attached at the hip from that point on.

Step 3: Unleash his competitive side.

That Groom is super competitive. And he loves to participate in any activity that involves the two of us attempting to best one another. Our love blossomed over many rounds of darts, where I thoroughly whipped him every time.

Step 4: Ask him out. See if he will dress up for you.

Ladies, stop sitting around and waiting, make the first move! The nice part about being in charge of the date is that you are able to dictate what type of date it will be. Ours was a college prom-ripoff where I forced That Groom to dress up and take awkward photos with me.

I almost didn't post this picture as it shows me at a time when I was a much chubbier avocado. But That Groom is doing such an excellent job demonstrating his "awkward prom picture" form.

Step 5: Corner him. Tell him it's time to start dating.

After the prom was over, I told That Groom it was time for me to walk him home. He protested. I insisted. I stood in front of his apartment door and confessed my feelings for him. Bearing my soul. He thanked me. (Any other Friends fanatics remembering when Emily said thank you to Ross at the airport as she was flying back to London?)

Step 6: Be patient.

It may take him 3 entire weeks to tell you what he decided after you confessed your feelings for him. Yes, you read that right, it took him 3 weeks to "get back to me" on the whole I-want-to-date-you conversation. I don't think I realized how bad I wanted it to work out until then.

He finally came down to my basement living room. We talked. We kissed. The magic began.

As far as the future, after our October wedding we will live in Dallas for at least 2 more years, after that we plan to be in the states for about 5 more before we hop the pond and live somewhere in Europe. Eventually we plan to settle down in Poland and raise our family there. Yes, we plan to live in Poland. Don't worry, I've been there. The sausage is really as good as they say.

Disclaimer: That Bride would love to be held responsible for any and all successful relationships which result from executing the following steps.