Friday, October 10, 2008

We Will Walk This World

Today I enter the temple to make sacred promises to the Lord. Tomorrow I enter once again to make sacred promises with my husband. I have been searching for the right phrase to describe the way I am feeling, and I think the only sufficient term I can offer is "emotional overstimulation". I tear up rather easily and constantly find myself attempting to extract the most possible meaning and enjoyment out of every moment. This overstimulation isn't a negative feeling but it is a foreign concept that I haven't had the opportunity to experience in my life thus far.

Yesterday I saw That Groom for the first time in 73 very long days. It did not go the way I expected and I was left confused. I had imagined a moment right out of a movie, with me running towards him, jumping up and throwing my arms and legs around him, crying and kissing and the inability to let go of one another. Let's just say the time felt stressed and strange and was altogether a little shorter than what I was hoping for. I started to wonder why we were doing this, what the chemistry was. I didn't want to run, I just wanted to find reassurance. I am not grateful for this because it forced me to really reflect on our past, and the deeply intimate moments we have shared which had helped us realize how wonderful we would be together in marriage. I have no doubts or apprehension now.



The wedding weekend disasters have already begun. We have a groomsmen who bought his plane ticket for Thursday the 16th, only yesterday learning that the wedding is this weekend, not next. He also doesn't have a black suit, something I emailed him about over three months ago. I anticipate many more things just like this to happen over and over within the next two days, but after shedding a few tears curled up in my bed last night I told myself to get over it, and I did. I just want to get married to the man I love, no matter who attends and what they are wearing.

To you, my dear friends (for you truly are my friends), I can only express a deep seated admiration and wholehearted appreciation. The amount of love and support I have garnered from you over the time period I have been writing has many times been the stronghold I needed to make it through one more day. Thank you for reaching out to a complete stranger and showing you care many times over throughout the past few months.

To my dear amost-husband who will likely never read this :) I love you because of your strengths, and even after beginning to learn your faults. I think we are both starting to believe if we can make it through this we can make it through anything. You support me, love me, and cherish me. I am marrying you forever and there is nothing I want more.

While flipping through some of the old books we are using as centerpieces this week, I found *this passage which so perfectly describes trembling joy I am currently experiencing.

""My wife, my life. Oh! We will walk this world,
Yoked in all exercise of noble end,
And so through those dark gates across the wild
That no man knows. My hopes and thine are one;
Accomplish thou my manhood, and thyself
Lay thy sweet hands in mine and trust to me."

St. Elmo, by Augusta J. Evans



For the last time as a Miss,

Jenna

26 comments:

EthidiumBromide said...

Let me offer up this reflection -- I know it won't seem like it at the time of the wedding, and it didn't seem like it to me either, but looking back at it now, the things that went "wrong", not as planned at my wedding, are actually now some of my FAVORITE memories of my wedding weekend. Why? I think because it makes me realize that even though things didn't go according to plan, and there were snafus, in the end, who cares?! It didn't matter! I still got to marry the most wonderful man in the world (for me) and that's all that matters!! Looking back on it now, all the things that went wrong make me smile more than all the things that went right.

Good luck! No matter what happens, you'll be a MRS for eternity!!!

AmyJean said...

It will be great - regardless of the slip ups or "wrong" things... you have planned this special day to get married in front of your friends and family - you will be his, and he yours. and at the end of the day - that is what we will all remember!

Good luck, i can't wait for the updates!

Kelly B said...

yay! That Bride & That Groom become That Husband & Wife this weekend :) I'm sure the little things will continue to happen, but know that at the end of the day - it's just you and him. You get to spend the rest of your lives together :) Best wishes Jenna, can't wait to hear all about it!

Annie said...

Best of luck to you and That Groom :) and I hope that you continue to enjoy all of your overstimulation!

Blablover5 said...

Much luck to you and your groom.

And hopefully your errant groomsman can get himself another flight (we almost had one do the exact same thing).

Claire said...

I'm so happy for you both! There's certainly a lot to take in with your temple experience, so it's good that you're having a great sense of humor about less important things.

Jenny.Lee said...

Have a wonderful time and be sure to take it slow and enjoy every litle moment!

Holly said...

Way to focus on the big picture! :) Don't forget--nobody will fault you if you decide to come back and vent the details (good, bad and ugly) after you've soaked up all the lovin'. Happy Marriage Day!

Whitney R said...

I'm so excited for you, Jenna.

Going through the temple for the first time was the most amazing experience I have ever had. Each time I have gone back I only feel a little bit of the amazment and excitment I felt the first time. It was beautiful.

Then the next day I was married to my husband. It was also amazing. Personally, I loved that I went through the day before because it put everything in the proper perspective. It was stressful and went by so fast.

Enjoy the day and don't worry about anything. Let everyone else take care of that.

Single Girl said...

You will be an amazing couple. You are doing thing at the right place, at the right time and with the right person. May you be eternally blessed!

My thought and prayers are with you both.


♥ Celina

Guilty Secret said...

Congratulations, Jenna. It has truly been an honour to share the journey with you. Now just relax and enjoy yourself!

betrothedbean said...

Congratulations! I am extremely happy for you - the journey is not over - it is just beginning!

All the best in the next couple of days! Enjoy yourself and just let everything unfold :) It'll all work out in the end, anyways :)

Cheers!

Mrs X said...

Everything you describe in your post is so natural to feel. I am not normaly an emotional person, and the things I felt in the weeks leading up to my wedding were very foreign to me.

Regardless of anything that happens, your wedding weekend will be a wonderful memory to look back on because you and That Suavacodo Groom are committing to each other for life, and that IS the most important part.

Thank you for sharing your journey with us, it's definitely been a pleasure to read.

Congratulations!

natalie + joshua said...

OH Good luck with everything Jennah, I know it's going to be beautiful, but more importantly the promises you make will be so special and everlasting. I wish I could be there to celebrate with you guys.

Congratulations.

Abbie said...

Things will happen between now and then, but you're doing the right thing by remembering the bigger picture. Enjoy the wedding weekend, as it will be over before you know it... and you'll have the most amazing memories. The things that went wrong will eventually make you laugh, so go have an amazing time! Congrats to you two... from another engaged-without-a-ring bride-to-be!

Sweet T said...

So much love and best wishes to you, Jenna! I am really happy for you and hope your day is beautiful.

Paula said...

I know I joined this party a little late, but I've truly enjoyed reading about your journey. Your reflections on this day and these moments are amazing - so thank you for sharing them with all of us.

You're focusing on the right things - the fact that you get to marry the man you love, that your family and friends will be there supporting you. It's ok if small things go astray. The big things are in order - your love, your commitment, and God's blessings.

I can't wait for more updates. My only advice is to soak in this weekend as much as you can. Take a few moments with your groom alone during the reception so you can take it all in together.

Molly said...

Many hugs, love and heartfelt congratulations. It's going to be wonderful. xoxox

Riley (aka Rachel) said...

Congratulations!!
I'll be thinking of you tomorrow!

Tiffany said...

my most sincere and heartfelt congratulations to the two of you. I have enjoyed being one of your readers and can not wait to see your wedding.

I may be in that part of Bellevue tomorrow, I have no idea what time you are getting married but I am going to keep my eyes peeled for a bride and groom coming out of the temple! :)

Meg said...

Jenna, you don't know me; I'm not LDS, a bride-to-be, or even living anywhere in the US, but I wish you and your partner the very best today, tomorrow and forever. Congratulations!

ami @ elizabeth anne designs said...

i'm thinking of you and i'm with you every step of the way!

xoxo

Carol said...

Good luck Jenna!! You and that groom will have a perfect life together. You look radiant. I wish nothing but the best for the two of you!!

Cécy said...

Seeing each other after a long separation is never easy. I was just like you, after 8 months of not seeing each other, it took me hours to get the first touches of complicity back. I married him a year after.
We all watch too many movies where every meeting and wedding and everything is always picture perfect.
But I think you've already figured it out. Your most recent post about the temple being under renovation says it for me.
Because you both know it takes work you have your heads on your shoulders and I know you will make it work.
Many blessings in your life and may you keep that strengh you have.
What might not go perfect always helps us to appreciate the good moments best.

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

you're in my prayers. your marriage is the most important thing. the wedding will go perfectly-- and any bobbles will be forgotten immediately. none of that will matter at all.

i am so excited for you!

GetMarried4Less/LadyT said...

Jenna,

thanks for sharing this....my FI have been apart for...wow, i never counted the days, but i havent seen him since about July the 8th or 9th...i have the same fairy tale meeting in my head but reading ure post reminded me how things NORMALLY go when i have delusions of grandeur...not very well.

i'll pray for a flexible kind spirit when i finally get to see my husband to be this Saturday nite...the moment will be special regardless.

i will lower my expectations....and hopefully be surprised.