Monday, October 6, 2008

To The Critics

I can't take it any longer.


If I hear one more person criticize the "bee" (that they never name directly, so glad that is the most memorable thing I have ever written on their) for blogging before she had a ring I will scream. Scream in their face. And then call them 20 years from now and scream in their face again saying "It's my 20th wedding anniversary. Was your marriage so much happier than mine because you started things off with a $10,000 piece of jewelry when I just had a verbal agreement? "

Did my $850 engagement ring REALLY change all that much? A freaking piece of sparkly carbon does NOT mean anything. Get over it. We had commitment, and love, and a future without a diamond. I hope you have just as much for yourself.

I write this because I have seen multiple people write and say that Weddingbee started to go downhill when they accepted me without a ring. Seriously, THAT was the turning point for you? Well thank you for reading even though I put you through such a terrible experience.

I'm not asking for comments that say "Oh, you are so my favorite" and other such nonsense. Most bees are not my favorite. Seriously, I am just steaming about this and needed to vent......

Now back to the blasted place cards.

Image Source


Guilty Secret said...

Ouch. I had no idea this was still getting to you... or is it more to do with the place cards?

Please do yourself a favour and make sure you take half an hour out of each day this week to just go for a stroll. It will make all the difference to your mental state on the big day.

Lots of love and a big hug!

EthidiumBromide said...

LOL. The picture made me laugh.

You tell them! Seriously, sometimes reading comments on WeddingBee makes me shake my head in disbelief at priorities. Since when has a bajillion dollar wedding and a 5 carat diamond been more important than being in love and committed to each other?

I agree with Guilty -- go talk a walk, and take a deep breath. Remember, blogging about your wedding is supposed to be fun. Don't let all the mean commenters get you down. What the heck do they know? If they think the big diamond ring is an absolute prerequisite for marriage, then they probably won't even make it to 20 years, anyway.

EthidiumBromide said...

LOL. The picture made me laugh.

You tell them! Seriously, sometimes reading comments on WeddingBee makes me shake my head in disbelief at priorities. Since when has a bajillion dollar wedding and a 5 carat diamond been more important than being in love and committed to each other?

I agree with Guilty -- go talk a walk, and take a deep breath. Remember, blogging about your wedding is supposed to be fun. Don't let all the mean commenters get you down. What the heck do they know? If they think the big diamond ring is an absolute prerequisite for marriage, then they probably won't even make it to 20 years, anyway.

Blue-Eyed Bride said...

you know as well as i do, sweet jenna, that the critics are jealous. it's easy to say, i know, but they are. you got something they didn't have or something they wanted. i've seen a couple of negative posts lately about wedding bee being bought out by eharmony. i'm not sure why anyone even has an opinion on it. just know that they want something that you have.

now go have a great week! forget about all of this. those critics are strangers to you. not invited to your wedding. you never have to read, speak, hear from them again. enjoy your loved ones, your lovely groom, and have a fantastic week!

AmyJean said...

ARE YOU SERIOUS? I had no idea anybody ever said that ... perhaps i missed it...but either way that's awful.

#1. No one has room to judge anybody else's relationship. I know so many people who didn't need the ring to define the engagement. and in some cultures that's actually NORMAL!

#2.i love jewelry so i admit, yes i am a girl who said i want my ring w/my engagement... but that in NO way means my engagement is somehow more or less of one than anybody elses. My cousin was proposed to without a ring, on this mountain in Hawaii, b/c her now-husband was so overcome with emotion, he had to propose to her RIGHT THERE in a sunset in Hawaii with NO RING. and i dont know if there is anything more romantic than that...

#3. Please don't listen to any of them ... in fact, i admire you more for it... you went against the norm and the traditions and said "blast it all" we love each other and our desire to make a commitment is all that matters! i totally agree!!!

BRAVO!!!! Like you said, a piece of sparkly carbon does not mean anything at all besides what it is. a piece of carbon!

Skywalker said...

Oooh. First rule type stuff. Man that was biting. Sorry I don't really tune into the Bee universe.

I have been guilty of mass ostracizing a fellow nottie - only because she didn't have a significant other (as "I have no boyfriend but I still want to post").

I understand the whole "I don't have a ring but I need to research" situation - I WAS THERE. Don't take it personal. Being a bride/newlywed is like a club or sorority...remember those days.

Don't stress it. Move on.

Blablover5 said...

You know, it's funny at first I like a lot of bridal bloggers (blogging brides, broggers?) tried signing up for Weddingbee but got rejected (I love the Groucho Marx quote for this).

In retrospect after all the stuff that's been going on and seeing how some women can just go well insane when it comes to wedding stuff (the Knot forums come to mind) I'm glad they didn't accept me.

Plus I can talk about all the weird random wedding stuff that pisses me off to no end.

Good luck on Saturday with your temple and ring ceremony and know that there are lots of people who wish you good luck instead of ill will.

Amy@Fiancé Meeting You Here said...

Hi Jenna,

Just wanted to send you my support. I recently saw a blogger's post that mentioned this subject in a critical way and I was completely taken aback. I pretty much decided not to read that blog anymore--who needs that negativitey? Not me! You have plenty of fans-don't let the jealous apples spoil your fun! Stay postive!!

Abbie said...

I just revealed on my blog, which mainly discusses my wedding, that I too DO NOT HAVE A RING. I read the post where someone mentioned you not having a ring, which just confirmed to me that people are judgmental. It's a bummer. Just when I think people might be understanding that situations are different and sometimes "time is of the essence for planning" someone goes and ruins it. Hang in there and know that you're not the only one in that boat!

Abbie said...

Wow...I totally agree that it is pretty sad that people are still dwelling on this. At first I thought it was really weird that you were planning a wedding without a ring...but then I remembered how my husband and I spent a night saying how we wanted to marry each other a year before we were "officially" engaged. After that night, we knew that we were getting married and would spend the rest of our lives together...but we just did not know when it would happen, so I quickly figured out that our situations were somewhat similar. Congrats for doing it your own way and for pushing through. And yes...just enjoy your day!

Jennifer said...

Hey wedding twin...guess what? I started without a ring too! Nine months of engagement with NO ring.

Jessica @ budgetsavvybride said...

I'm sorry if what I wrote on my blog offended you but I must point out that I said that you were blogging before you were officially engaged- nothing to do with whether or not you had a ring.

My fiancé and I had talked and planned to get married for nearly a year before he actually proposed. But I didn't consider us engaged until he asked me to marry him. I don't know the personal details of how your engagement unfolded before the actual proposal but I never said that a ring makes the engagement official or anything to that effect. That's all I'm saying, just wanted to clarify.

I have to admit I did think it was a strange move by WB at the time. Doesn't mean I don't enjoy your posts! Everyone is entitled to an opinion, and I voiced mine on my own blog. I really do apologize if I offended you. :(

Sara said...

I know, right?! I thought that was VERY weird. I saw that first comment and I was like, "what?! what does THAT have to do with anything? And who CARES?!" Definitely know that you weren't the only one who was perplexed by that.

ka1t_lyn said...

Love the picture!
I'll admit, when I first read your WB posts I was confused. I had some silly image that you were rushing your groom to the altar (I know, how dumb of me!).
However, after following along with your planning I realized you're like Ryan and I. Engaged without the ring, and it totally makes sense.
Sometimes I read WB and I have that terrible statsitic in my head--- you know "1/2 of all marriages end in divorce". Like you mentioned, I think that you'll be able to come at many of those harsh critics in twenty, thirty, fifty (!) years.
The importance is placed on your love for each other, your shared walk with God, and not a ring or anything else material. If people would have an iota of an open mind I think they could learn a lot about the importance of two PEOPLE going into a marriage, instead of their ring, and new registry items. (Not that I don't love jewelry and mixers :)!)
Sorry for the long comment but I am so excited for you on your big day. Good luck with the place cards as well! :)

Silvia said...

lol, Really? Other girls think that beause you didnt have a ring you shouldnt blog? I still don't have a ring and i may not even get a proposal! so what? we are still getting married and raising our children. And if we can't afford my e-ring down the line so be it, im still getting married!!

On a different note, I'm so excited for you!!! Just breathe!

Anonymous said...

Hi Jenna! Don't feel too bad about it, I got called out too (supposedly I'm unoriginal and boring...oh well) Seriously, don't let it get to you! It's so incredibly obvious how much you and S are in love with each other -- jewelry has NOTHING to do with it. You know, my great grandparents didn't have the money for an engagement ring, but they planned their wedding and got married anyways and were together for over 70 years. xoxo

Miss Malbec said...

you tell them!

have a great time on Sat, relax and enjoy your wedding. don't forget to eat like so many brides do, and when it's all over and you have some time please post your pictures.


Tiffany said...

wow! I missed this! I have not been a weddingbee reader in such a long time. honestly, I think it went downhill with a few of their bees and their very pointless posts. I couldn't stand it, they did not help me with my wedding planning at all. I only go back once in awhile to see yours or Kate's post but luckily you post all yours on this blog.

You have every right to be pissed. I can't believe people pinpointed you out because you didn't have a ring. ugh.

other than that, YAYAY I can't believe the big day is coming for you so soon! Can not wait to see all the pictures!!

Jenna said...

Guilty-It actually is emerging from the WB backlash over the sale. People are writing in the comments and mentioning me as justification for why WB sucks now. Baaah.

ethidium-How could I ever stay bummed for long when I have awesome people like you around?

blueeyed-Yeah! They aren't coming to the wedding! I don't have to worry about them!

amyjean-It was really bad when I started writing for WB, but it has started to come up again with the whole sale backlash. I don't care if you want to gnash your teeth about eharmony, but can't you leave little Miss Avocado alone?

blab-It's a lot of pressure and work to write for WB, and sadly a lot of people end up adopting that attitude. You are right though, when you have your own blog you can write about whatever the heck you want all the time!

amy-Thanks! It's nice to hear that someone else thought it was a little out of line as well.

abbie-Time is exactly the reason why it took me so long to get a ring and an "official" proposal. He didn't realize I could ever need so much time to get all of the little details planned, and I wanted to give him time to come up with a proposal that had meaning for both of us. If you ever need to complain about the haters, you know where to go.

abbie-That sounds exactly like what happened with us. It was a serious conversation one night where we finally said "Let's get married in October!" and it was a done deal. Getting the ring in July was just the icing on the cake.

jessica-I guess I disagree with your opinion on what an official engagement really means. I think it is a formality, something you do for others, for your family etc. When I started blogging I had a photographer, a venue, I had called the temple. We were getting married! I was probably a little out of line in jabbing at you on your post and I am sorry. I just had a few other comments say the same thing on WB and it was a little too much for me to handle. I really enjoy your blog and I will continue reading as I always have!

sara-I figured with all the hubbub about other things they wouldn't have the energy to nitpick about the other things that bother them....

kat-You weren't the only one that thought that. My grandma still asks me at least twice a week if I think that he will really fly up for the wedding. Like he doesn't any intention of actually marrying me!?!?!?!

Silvia-Yay! Another ring-less proposal-less bride who counts herself as engaged!

grosgrain-My great grandma never got a ring either! She also didn't have any wedding photos, which I always get so sad about. Funny how spoiled we are today.

missmalbec-I plan on eating my entire steak! And multiple slices of cake. And then boxing the cake up and taking it back to our room for some post-wedding snacks!

Tiffany-Oh the pictures! I can't wait to see them as well.

fieryirishangel said...

I just wanted to let you know that my rings arrived from Christen today, and I've blogged about them here:

Ruby Slippers said...

Well, I started reading Weddingbee well before you came on the scene, Jenna, and I certainly never had any kind of thought that it "went downhill" - actually, I'd never even seen these hurtful comments about you; maybe I'm walking around with blogging blinkers on! I do remember thinking it was odd that you'd booked all your stuff but didn't have an official proposal yet...but then I forgot all about it.

The only negative thing I can say about Weddingbee is that the eHarmony thing has caused some of the Bees to leave, and THAT upsets me. Actually I'm also mini-glad they didn't accept me; the stress of regular, interesting posts would have been far too much for me!

Grosgrain - I can't believe someone would actually blog about you being boring. Who DOES that? If you think someone's blog is boring you just stop reading and forget about it! Seriously, some people are too bitchy for words. I got some nasty comments about how "no one would want to read my blog because it's so boring" when I first started, but when I looked at the commenter's link I realised it was a spam comment to take me to the National Lottery website! I couldn't decide whether to laugh at their idiocy or be appalled that someone would be deliberately cruel to get hits to their page.

Jenna, I've got off the subject, but have a WONDERFUL FANTASTIC week and wedding, and forget all these bitchy trouble-makers.

Jess and Carl said...

Well I am obviously out of the loop that people were being so rude... but I love you and love the updates and love that you and Swavek were so sure of your love that you could start planning early! Rings are just rings, true love doesn't need a ring to live on or give someone the right to plan a wedding... I think you are fabulous! Love you and I'm so excited for the 10th! YAY! You're getting married... take time for yourself this week and don't let anyone push you around... it's your day and you are going to be radiant!

EthidiumBromide said...

You know, it seems so long ago (really, what, like 2.5 years?) that I got engaged, but now that I was thinking about it today (yes, your post was stuck in my head), I realized that I started out the same way -- starting wedding planning before the "official" proposal, what with down on one knee and the ring and the whole deal. My husband had asked my parents for permission, and we knew we were going to go through with it, so we just started planning. We had scoped out some venues, met with some vendors... but no proposal. I knew it was coming, I wasn't worried. I personally didn't tell people I was "engaged" but it didn't make me feel any less so at that point, since we had SET A WEDDING DATE. What, just because the ring wasn't there and he hadn't written that big old check meant he wasn't going to show up on our set wedding date so I wasn't allowed to start planning?

Honestly, the more I think about the situation and people criticizing you and not understanding your situation, the more enraged I get... and this isn't even me we're talking about! People just need to mind their own darn business!

Riley (aka Rachel) said...

First of all, I really hope that this weekend goes perfectly for you and that you two are happy!!

You know, it's hard because we're all different people with different opinions out here. What one person hates, another one may love - so sometimes I've even found myself thinking "Hmmm, maybe I shouldn't write this" because I don't want to hurt someone else's feelings, or make them think for one second that what they love is somehow wrong or bad. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, and certainly on your own blog you have the right to say what you want. But really, at the end of the day, only what's important and true in your life is what matters. Others shouldn't be so wrapped up in your story to really get upset over something like this, and even though it's hard (I know from how I am) you just have to pay them no mind and keep your head up high!

Love from Texas!!

Kay said...

i started planning before the ring too and got a lot of criticism for it - mostly from already married women who were jealous, it seemed. i thought it was hilarious that

a) they cared that much - talk about awkward

b) people think engagements are based on a ring, though i admittedly didn't feel "official" until i got the symbol

c) they have that much time on their hands

your marriage is going to be as beautiful as your wedding, and that will be the greatest feeling in the world.


Mrs X said...

Okay, I know you've already got some support on this, but I can't go on w/o giving my 2 cents.

I saw [some of] the comments on WB in regards to you, and I'd tell you not to let them get to you, but if I were you, they'd be pissing me off, too.

When I was younger, I asked my mom how my dad proposed to her. She told me that they "just decided to get married". She has an engagement ring, but I have no idea when in the process she got it. I just know ther wasn't an official proposal. On October 12, my parents will celebrate being married for 34 years.

Try to keep your focus on the fact that your wedding will be on Saturday, and there are many of us who can't wait to hear the details. (And there are some people, like me, who think a double dose of That Avacado Bride, isn't a bad thing.)

MisguidedAmbition said...

Forget the critics. You're amazing and provide me with more inspiration and entertainment than most of the wedding blogs I read. The only reason anyone could dispute a ringless fi is if she were not actually getting married, just dreaming about it. But you ARE. You have vendors, and photos, and a budget, and way too much to do (like any other bride). Don't let the "haters" get you down, girl. I've been reading since the beginning, and I keep coming back for a reason. :)

Pretty Bride said...

haha great post! i started blogging before i was officially engaged as well!

Anonymous said...

As if, Jenna. Anyone who actually READS your posts knows that you are one of the most vivacious, lovable and talented writers on Weddingbee. Duh. Those commenters were just looking for something to complain about and your posts are so memorable that that's all they could come up with.

As for the ring thing, of course an 'official engagement' does not necessitate a ring! Pffft. Anyone who thinks so is completely missing the point, and that's just sad.

Rockstarbride said...

someone really said that? people are dumb. I didn't have a bended knee proposal. I called my FI, said I wanted to get married .. this year, he said OK. The next day we booked the venue, and picked up a ring ONLY because he wanted to. I was very much ok not having a ring.

Stupid people. And there are some CRAZY brides on that site.

congrats! and good luck

natalie said...

This makes me kinda happy that I am so out of the loop! I might try to stay that way, I would hate to read hurtful things about other bees.

Every relationship is unique, as is every engagement. As long as you are happy with the path your relationship took, who cares. I agree with the jealousy thing. You rule. I would love to toast with you 20 years from now!

p.s. 3 more days!!!

Erin said...

Take some deep breaths, and make sure you *relax* this week!

Enjoy your wedding. :)

Cécy said...

I have to say this made me laugh. I didn't realize people could think you are not really engaged unless you have a ring.
Heck, I didn't have an engagement ring until less than 24h before our civil wedding. So...
Being happy takes more than pretty jewlery.

Jenna said...

Thanks again to everyone who said such supportive things. It really made me feel so much better.